Permission
by MajandraNova
Summary: Ten years after the miniature killer abducted Sara, Grissom asks a loved person for a very special permission. GSR. Warning: Dead Character. Kind of a sequel to “Just a breath away”.


**Permission**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CSI or any of the featured characters.

**Spoilers**: Living Doll

**Summary:** Ten years after the miniature killer abducted Sara Grissom asks a loved person for a very special permission. GSR. Warning: Dead Character. Kind of a sequel to "Just a breath away".

**A/N:** It is kind of a sequel to "Just a breath away" but it also can stand alone so I didn't want to add it as a new chapter. There's an explanation to this at the very end of the story, so if you want to read it first, go ahead.

* * *

Grissom entered the townhouse silently. He didn't want to wake her up. Which was stupid because he couldn't wake her up. She wasn't even there. At least not in a way that he could wake her up. But he still kept forgetting that when he came home. 

He put his keys on the wooden table in the kitchen and rested his hands on it. His mind went back to the meeting, the date he just had had. He hadn't seen this person since, well since the funeral. He'd appreciated her presence and comforting words back then but after that he hadn't seen her again. Until tonight. Earlier this week she had called him and asked him for a date. For a second he had wanted to say no but when he didn't find any reason to deny the proposition he reluctantly agreed to meet her.

"_Are you there?_" Grissom asked while he sat on his couch. He didn't turn on the lights. He didn't need them to talk to her.

"_Sure, honey_." Her voice was as clear as ever. "_How are you?_"

Grissom ran a hand over his face. He wasn't the same anymore. Sure, 10 years can change a person a lot, but grieve had drawn deep and permanent dark circles around his eyes. He had more wrinkles than other men his age. But worst of all, his eyes seemed so empty most of the times that one could think he had just lost her the minute before. They seemed empty and sad, except for the moments when she was with him. Then the old shimmer came back to his once beautiful blue eyes and even a smile dared to cross his lips. But now even her presence couldn't do the magic on him.

"_Confused. Lonely_." He sighed. "_I miss you_."

He felt her fingers slightly touching his cheeks and a shiver went through him. After 10 years her touch still did this to him.

"_I miss you, too_."

"_Can you miss me where you are?_"

"_If you only knew how much I miss you …_"

They remained in silence for a few minutes. After a while she started talking again.

"_You look terribly pale. And you lost so much weight. What has happened to you?_"

"_I lost you._"

"_You never lost me._"

"_You know what I mean. This is not the real you. This is probably just my insane mind making you up because I can't take it anymore._"

"_Don't say that. I'm right here._" He felt her warmth on his heart. "_Have a little faith in me. Have a little faith in yourself._"

"_How can I have faith in myself when I wasn't able to save you? How can I have faith in you when you didn't love me enough to stick around?_" With that Grissom broke out in tears. The remorse still haunted him at night. And sometimes he even blamed her for leaving him.

"_That is not true. It wasn't in our power to change what happened. And I loved you with all my life.I still do_."

"_I know. I'm sorry. It's just so hard without you. And I am so damn lonely._"

"_I told you before and I am telling you again: you have to date again. You can't go on like this forever_."

Grissom thought for a moment about the date. They had gone to a nice restaurant. He had tried to keep up a friendly conversation with her but he couldn't hide the fact that he was a broken man. But she she was nice about it. She knew what it was like to lose somebody loved.

"_I had a date tonight._"

"_I know_." She always knew everything. He forgot.

"I _haven't had such a good time in a long time."_

She didn't say anything for what seemed like an eternity. Grissom was afraid that he had said something wrong. That he had finally also lost the last part of her.

"_I was always so terribly jealous of her_."

"_Why?_"

"_I thought you loved her._"

"_I never loved her. The only women I ever loved was you. You were, you are the love of my life._"

Silence.

"_Grissom, you need to find a new love. You can't just rely on me. I can't make you happy. I am not real, though my love for you is._"

"_But all I want is you. Just you._"

"_But you can't have me. We live in different worlds. I can't wrap a warm blanket around you when you are cold. I can't cook for you on Sundays. I can't visit the Entomology Museum with you. I can't …. make love to you._"

A sigh.

"_I will not allow you to just vegetate like this for the rest of your life. Do you hear me?!_"

"_So what am I supposed to do?_"

"_First you ask yourself the following question: will I wait for love or settle with somebody to hold?_"

"_You are the love of my life. I will never be able to love somebody else._"

"_Then you know what to do._"

"_What?_"

"_Settle with somebody to hold_."

Grissom thought again of the date he had had. And the proposition the woman had made to him. She had asked him to spend the rest of their lives together. Nice and quiet. She had told him that she didn't believe in the big love thing anymore but she believed in friendship. They both knew that there always had been this very special connection between them. He couldn't deny that. He'd wanted to reject the suggestion right away. It felt wrong. It felt like a betrayal to her. And he only loved her. But how could he explain that to his friend. So he'd said he'd think about it.

He had been ready to forget the whole proposition and live on like he had before but then she had come up with that topic. She always knew what was going on in his mind. Of course she knew.

"_So if I asked you for your permission to pursue this … this relationship, what would you say_?"

He thought he felt salty drops falling down on his lips.

"_I would say, alghough it hurts like hell, that you have my permission. I would say that you deserve all the happiness in the world and that I am not the one keeping you from it. I never wanted to be that. I wanted to make you happy. Not sad._"

He heard her crying but it might as well just have been the wind blowing through the windows.

"_You have made me the happiest man on this planet. And even after you've been gone you were there for me._"

She laughed. "_Somebody had to look after my darling_."

Grissom felt slightly better after this talk. Now he knew what he had to do. He would settle with somebody to hold. It didn't feel so wrong anymore now that she had told him to do so.

He lay down on the sofa and close to him he felt her presence. After a while she said: "_Heather will understand how you feel. She, too, has loved and lost._"

Shortly before he fell aslep he remembered the most important questions of all:

"_Will you come with me?_"

* * *

**Explanation: **Okay, yesterday, after I finished writing "Just a breath away" and went home from work and I started thinking. The logical thing is that you only have one love of your life. And then this question stuck in my mind: What are you supposed to do if this very person dies? I mean, you can't just find a new love of your life again. That won't work. Are you supposed to spend the rest of your life alone? That's horrible, especially when you're young. Will you find some minor loves? Or settle with somebody to hold? Anyway, I was thinking a lot about it and this story came to my mind. I hope you like(d) it. Even if it is a little GSR heart breaking. And please, please review. 


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